Couples That Work by Jennifer Petriglieri

Author:Jennifer Petriglieri [Jennifer Petriglieri]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Business Review Press
Published: 2019-08-20T16:00:00+00:00

What Do We Really Want?

Whatever form your internal questions and doubts take, they reveal the task of the second transition: to shift your focus from adapting to demands and expectations to identifying and pursuing what you each want out of your careers, lives, and relationship. Because this transition is in part about tackling the division of roles established in the first transition, it is not enough to ask, “What do I really want?” Your story is so intertwined with that of your partner that you must ask, “What do we really want?”

Just like the first transition, couples that work figure out the answer to this question together. Unlike the first transition, this figuring out will involve individual exploration interspersed with joint reflection. This exploration and reflection occur in the liminal world that we must embrace to make a fruitful transition.

In chapter 6, we will explore the traps that can ensnare couples as they meander through the liminal world and the struggle that accompanies it. We will focus on the support you need to give to, and receive from, your partner to make it through and the positive feedback loops that can emerge from mutually supportive behavior. Then, in chapter 7, we will address how couples can successfully craft a new life path once they have figured out what they really want and felt their way toward a new way of being.

The second transition is psychologically demanding, and not all couples make it through. This life stage is one of the peak times for breakups and divorce.6 So before we move into the meat of the second transition, I’m sharing here some ideas for how you can bolster your relational resilience in preparation for the stormy ride ahead.

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